tosh: toe-shh (n. adj. adv. v.) Any positive definition imaginable.

Category Archives: Dancing with the Stars

Dancing with the Stars, Season 16 is officially underway!  J. Coco and I (K-Tosh) are really loving this season.  With a charismatic, (mostly) talented cast, this looks like it’s going to be one of the best.  Mostly because Derek’s still here.  Let’s take a look at some of the things we loved about the premiere and the first two weeks of competition.

Derek is still here.  And shirtless.

Apparently he got cut by that glass top.  Wait, what was that?  Glass top??  What is she, a table?  It’s apparently made of glass (adorned with glass?), but it’s not as…see-through… as I would imagine.

No elimination the first week.

Or (SPOILER ALERT) the second week.  Although we’re sad that Dorothy had to leave the way she did, J. Coco especially didn’t want to see Victor go, and I don’t think he would have been the right choice either.  But I love no elimination the first week because I always love to see all of the stars dance as much as possible!

Hair Scores

We’ve decided to introduce a new scoring system to DWTS…the Hair Rating.

Derek Hough

10/10.  In the paraphrased words of J. Coco, “Derek would get a 10 if he was bald.”

Tristan MacManus

Week 1:

4/10.  It’s very plain…and it looks like he may have straightened it?

Week 2:

Can you really see it well? …2/10.

Sean Lowe

Week 1:

8/10.  He just went with a classic, simple style.  It looks soft and fuzzy.

Mark Ballas

I don’t even… For the last few years his hair and other style elements have been gravitating between Fall Out Boy member and Radio Shack employee.  Forming your hair into the shape of an ice cream cone is apparently the style this year (see: Tristan).  3/10

Gleb Savchenko

My-oh-my/10.  Just kidding, 9.5/10.  This newcomer did not disappoint (hair wise).  I hope he goes far…if you know what I mean. 😉

Val Chmerkovskiy

9/10 for not being Derek.  Zendaya gets 10/10 on the girl scale, which is not comparable to the man scale, for having astoundingly fly hair in week one.  Why can’t my hair look like that!??!  /serious rage

For season 16, J. Coco and I will be guessing everyone’s ranks again (I mentioned it once).  We ended up being tied last year!  But this year she is so going down!  And now, for honor, for glory, for a teeny, tiny, not-yet-physically-existent mirror ball trophy, I present…our rankings:

K-Tosh’s Rankings

1. Kellie and Derek

2. Aly and Mark

3. Zendaya and Val

4. Jacoby and Karina

5. Ingo and Kym

6. Sean and Peta

7. Andy and Sharna

8. Victor and Lindsay

9. Lisa and Gleb

10. Wynonna and Tony

11. D.L. and Cheryl

Dorothy was originally in tenth.*

J. Coco’s Rankings

1. Kellie and Derek

2. Jacoby and Karina

3. Zendaya and Val

4. Ingo and Kym

5. Sean and Peta

6. Aly and Mark

7. Lisa and Gleb

8. Victor and Lindsay

9. Wynonna and Tony

10. Andy and Sharna

11. D.L. and Cheryl

* Dorothy was originally in 11th (and D.L. in 12th)

*We decided not to count week two’s elimination, because it wasn’t score/vote-based.  We’ll begin keeping score with week 3’s elimination!

I’m sure there will be plenty of surprises ahead!  Will our stars and pros have the prom dance of their dreams, or will the night end in disaster?  With my beloved Apolo Ohno gone, will Derek be able to fulfill my deepest expectations as the only one I gawk at?!  (Answer: Yes)  Will Gleb usurp the Chmerkovskiy reign as the most popular pro among middle aged women, now that Maks isn’t around?  All the answers, and more, only on DWTSxJPT16!  (Long Title: “Dancing with the Stars and Just Plane Tosh Crossover Special, Season 16”)

– K-Tosh

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Dancing with the Stars always has an incredibly attractive cast- and this season is no different! Here’s J. Coco’s rankings of Dancing’s Sexiest Men of the Season.

1. Derek Hough

No surprise here! Of course Derek’s #1!! By the amount that K-Tosh and I (J. Coco) talk about Derek and his sexiness, well, he deserves to be #1, #2, and #3… I mean, just look at him. His eyes… they pierce into my soul! … that jaw? … not to mention his perfect blonde hair…and that smile? Oh my god! *collapses from fangirling*

2. Gleb Savchenko

I’d say he’s a wonderful new addition to DWTS. Not that anyone’s going to complain…

He has an interesting relationship with his celebrity partner Lisa Vanderpump. There are so many innuendos and sexual dancing! It’s kind of gross! Especially because Lisa is so amused by it. And the awkward outfits Lisa wears don’t help much. He’s still attractive though.

I think he looks sort of like James Marsden, especially in this picture.

3. Victor Ortiz

He looks so good with longer hair like in the picture (opposed to the shorter hair he sports (haha) when he’s boxing). Also, men look so much sexier to me when their eyes are crinkled when they’re smiling or laughing. And the scruffle! Notice the pictures previous to this one and after are similar. Woah. I didn’t know that about myself. I like men with scruffle and crinkley eyes. O.o

He looks like a puppy dog! *gushes*

This gave me a good chuckle.

4. Sean Lowe

The Bachelor! I love him! He’s so sweet. I told K- Tosh that she’d fall in love with him as the season progresses just like I did on the Bachelor! Look at that smile! What a pretty boy.

5. Tony Dovolani

With age comes beauty! Just kidding, he’s only 39. Again with the scruffle and the eye crinkles…Why do I have a type?

But yes, Tony totally beats Val.

6. Val Chmerkovskiy

Of course Val. I felt obligated.

He was (one of) the guy(s) that was literally willing to strip down to his underwear in a dance. Classy? No.

Sexy? Regrettably, yes.

I’d like to point out the irony in his partner situation with Zendaya Coleman. Val, the young, incredibly attractive, heartthrob who was rumored to being in a relationship with his last partner, Kelly Monaco, during the show, was assigned to the youngest contestant in DWTS history who is 16, not legal, and has close affiliations with Disney. They could not have paired any two people together that would have ended more disastrously if any romantic or sexual advancements were made. Val is going to have to be extremely careful with his choreography and his actions (Zendaya too, of course).

Still, though, he makes the list.

7. Ingo Rademacher

Why, hello. I love your beautiful green eyes. They’re beautiful. I love them. I want to stare at them forever.

Honorable Mention: Andy Dick

You rocked that suit, Andy!

The judges agree: These men get a ten!

Sorry for being cheesy just now.

Tune in to ABC Monday nights at 8 and Tuesday nights at 9 to watch Dancing with the Stars!

– J. Coco


It comes back into your life, without warning, when you thought you’d never see it grace your television screen on a twice-weekly basis ever again:

I’ll just pause to let that sink in.

(Commence Fangirling)

DEREK HOUGH IS GOING TO BE ON SEASON 16 OF DWTS.  DEREK HOUGH IS GOING TO BE ON SEASON 16 OF DWTS! DERRRRRREKKKKKKK HOUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH IS GOING TO BE ON SEASON 16 OF DWTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Let me take you back to a sadder time.  It was November 27, 2012, and you could almost hear the hearts of two young girls breaking, as the suave Derek Hough was denied his rightful place as the Champion of Dancing with the Stars All Stars.  To make matters worse, it was going to be his last season.  The one season in the past where Derek took time off (season 12) was just not the same.  We They may not have even continued to follow the show without Derek.  But the girls never lost hope!  They knew Derek would be back in their lives someday.

And that day is upon us.

Turns out “the two young girls” (Spoiler alert, that was J. Coco and me, K-Tosh) got all worked up for nothing, and then got all worked up (in a more joyful sense) for something again, because Derek is back, baby!  And better than ever (hard to do)!!!  While we will definitely be seeing his new movie whenever that comes out, and whatever we have to do to get our hands on it, we are SO EXCITED to see Derek back in ballroom action.  You should have seen Coco’s face this morning.  Priceless.

The two of us checked out the new cast at school this morning, and when were caught off-guard by Derek’s name…it was certainly a special moment.  Naturally, we had to tell our whole table, much to their chagrin.  And, in the process, half of the cafeteria, who most likely judged us hard.

Let’s run through the cast of Season 16, shall we?  I’ve included their pictures from the ABC website so you don’t have to click through that slide show.

Aly Raisman/Mark Ballas

One of the few stars this season that I’ve actually heard of, Aly was one of America’s gymnastics heroes at the London Olympic Games last summer.  With a team gold, a balance beam bronze, and a floor exercise gold under her belt, all she needs is a Mirror Ball Trophy.  Sounds a bit like one of Mark’s former partners…

Andy Dick/Sharna Burgess

This guy is a comedian and an actor who has appeared as a guest star in many popular movies and tv shows.  He will be dancing with Sharna, a pro from the troupe.  There are several new pros moving up from the troupe this season.

D.L. Hughley/Cheryl Burke

Ooh!  He’s got Cheryl.  Automatic contender.  It’s time for her to actually do some damage again.  Oh year, D.L. is an apparently popular stand-up comedian.

Brace yourselves, “keep it on the D.L.” jokes are coming.

Dorothy Hamill/Tristan MacManus

Tristan is such a reverse cougar.  He always gets the old ladies.  But this one was an athlete, a figure skater nonetheless, so they may have a fighting chance.  She’s an Olympic gold medal winner (1976)!

Ingo Rademacher/Kym Johnson

His name is just fun to say.  He’s from the show General Hospital (like a football player and a Disney star, there will always be a soap star).  His sons names are Peanut and Pohaku.  Peanut Rademacher!  Pohaku Rademacher!  So fun!  Definitely a contender for his looks, his youth, and his experienced partner.

Jacoby Jones/Karina Smirnoff

Here’s our football player.  He’s from the Super Bowl Champions, the Baltimore Ravens.  Whoo hoo chest bump.  It seems Karina’s being rewarded for years of pretending to like her partners (although I think J.R. grew on her and improved her character), because I’m thinking this guy’s going to be pretty cool.  Coco and I are probably going to argue about this one though, because apparently she likes Karina, and I can’t stand her.  Good thing we can still agree on someone else…

Kellie Pickler/DEREK HOUGH

I’m calling it now, this team will win.  She seems sweet, but edgy.  I actually know nothing about her, except that she’s a country singer.  I didn’t even know that she had been on American Idol.  I probably saw her on Ellen once.  Regardless, I bet she’ll be an okay dancer that Derek can transform into a wonderful dancer.  She’s the kind of star that should actually be in this competition: not too popular, not too D-list, a giving person (she has performed on USO tours on more than one occasion), someone who’s profession doesn’t really involve dance training…I mean, I love Sabrina Bryan, and she should have one, but really, dancing is her job.  But I digress.

And a picture of Derek, just because.

“Here comes the Smolder…”

Lisa Vanderpump/Gleb Savchenko

This celebrity was the one our friends were actually interested to hear about.  A Beverly Hills real housewife?  Coco says it’s against ABC’s policy of family-friendly standards to have a star from a show with values like those of the Real Housewives series, but here’s Lisa Vanderpump.  Her children’s names are Pandora and Maxfield.  As for Gleb, apparently he’s not from the troupe.  But he was eliminated the first week from DWTS Australia.  Hopefully he can do better this time around.  I’m including a picture, for the sake of hotness.

I’m looking forward to Gleb.

Victor Ortiz/Lindsay Arnold

Victor is a boxing champ.  Lindsay is not from the troupe.  Hmmm…I’m not too excited for these two.  But surprises do happen, I mean, take this morning, for example. *sigh*

 Wynonna Judd/Tony Dovolani

Another pair with fun names!  Also, I just want to say in advance that I will be spelling Wynonna wrong frequently.  Wynonna is a country singer.  I have heard of her, she’s considerably famous, especially with the older crowd.  Expect her to become questionably popular.  She also looks like she could be the wild one (or do I mean WILD CARD?!?) this season.

Zendaya Coleman/Val(entin) Chmerkovskiy

Fun fact!  Her tv brother is played by Roshon Fegan, a DWTS alum!  Second fun fact!  I didn’t know her last name was Coleman!  Zendaya is from the show Shake It Up on Disney Channel, which is a hit among the elementary school crowd but not so much anyone older than that.  The more mature set (or maybe it’s just me) stick with Good Luck Charlie and Austin and Ally.  Third fun fact!  They should have picked Ross Lynch (Austin) instead, who is Derek Hough’s cousin and hot.  She’s only 16, but she’ll be dancing with Val, who oozes sex.  Should be interesting to watch.  I bet some middle aged women are going to be mad/confused/jealous.

Why can’t my hair look like that?

And once more, for the hotness:

Derek and Ross.  Ohhh yeah.

That’s pretty much how I feel about this season of Dancing with the Stars.  I’m ready to go!

Stosh doesn’t like DWTS, and that’s ok, because we accept those who are different from ourselves, but as you can see, we’re clearly shunning her from this blog.  Just kidding.  She’s just in a time-consuming relationship with Netflix right now.  But you can stay tuned for more DWTS posts from J. Coco and me!

The new season starts Monday, March 18 at 8:00!  I’m so exciiiiiiiited!!!!!

– K-Tosh


K-Tosh here. Wondering why we haven’t posted in one month and three days? (I didn’t think so) Well, it was because we were watching this:

this:

and this:

Ok, that isn’t really why.  But we have been watching.  And loving this All Star season!  Except for one thing…

Why Sabrina?!?!? She’s Cheetahlicious!!  How can America not vote for that!??!  Just because she starred in a tween movie series six years ago is no reason she shouldn’t have fans………..

Sabrina Bryan had her first perfect score this week. And even partner Louis van Amstel was on fire, rocking that blue plaid and managing not to drop anyone (on camera at least). Let’s take a look at Sabrina’s scores before her elimination (out of a possible 30):

Week One: 22.5 (yes, for anyone who normally watches but for some reason isn’t this year, they have half points now)

Week Two: 26

Week Three: 22.5

Week Four: 27 (Paula Abdul’s vote means nothing to me)

Week Five: 29 (individual dance), 29.5 (team dance)

Week Six – Untimely Exit: 30.

Ummm, excuse me?

Now, I never expected her to do this well. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she was eliminated before week four, when she was riding the middle of the pack. But now? Of all times? She has definitely gotten back up to speed. All we have to blame is the Week Six curse: curiously, Sabrina Bryan was eliminated in Week Six in her first DWTS appearance, at a time when she was clearly the frontrunner. Thus leading to the practice of voting to prevent a “Sabrina Incident,” where one must always vote for the one they find the best, even if the couple’s victory seems like a sure thing. And I tried to vote for Sabrina (and my favorite celebrity, Apolo Ohno, who was the last one to be declared safe…scary), but Tom Bergeron informed me that “the voting window in your time zone has closed”…heh heh…..I thought it was open for two hours after the show. So I guess I can blame myself.

Like I said, I jumped into blogging this suddenly, but I have watched every week.  I’ll try to keep up with the posts as well.  Which means I will also keep you updated on a little contest J.Coco and I have going on (Stosh doesn’t watch DWTS…even though ballroom dancing is very in right now…..).

Beginning with Week 2, Coco and I predicted the ranks of all the couples, with “1” meaning first place and “twelve” meaning second-to-last place (Pamela was a dead giveaway).  Then, we get a score based on the difference between our ranking and the actual ranking.  The person with the lowest score wins Ultimate Grand Supreme Bragging Rights/Proverbial Mirror Ball Trophy until the next season.

Couple                                     J.Coco’s ranking                K-Tosh’s ranking                   Actual Ranking

Shawn and Derek                                1                                                1

Joey and Kym                                      8                                               9                                                12

Sabrina and Louis                               5                                               6                                                 8

Kelly and Valentin                              9                                                7

Kirstie and Maks                                 10                                             10

Melissa and Tony                                 7                                              8

Gilles and Peta                                       2                                             3

Apolo and Karina                                 3                                              2

Emmitt and Cheryl                              4                                              5

Drew and Anna                                     11                                           11                                             11

Helio and Chelsie                                  6                                            4                                              10

Bristol and Mark                                   12                                          12                                             9

Which brings the current scores to

Me: 14                 J.Coco: 14

A tie!! But she had the lead until this week. >_>

So who do you think will win??! Apolo?? Derek?? Harold Wheeler??? The FANS!??!? Me? Coco?

– K-Tosh