tosh: toe-shh (n. adj. adv. v.) Any positive definition imaginable.

Monthly Archives: March 2014

I think I’m caught up in my school work to the point where I can get ahead.  I don’t think I failed my quiz and my test last week either (but anything can happen, so I except a game seven final minute comeback loss type of thing).  Things are on the upswing.

My relationship, on the other hand, has reached a point where things should and could be stable (for like a week) but they’re not.  I realized that my boyfriend is probably the most antisocial person I have ever met.  I know a lot of antisocial people.  Sometimes, talking to him is really interesting, with joking and stories and trivia.  Other times, it’s like talking to a brick wall.  He also never calls me or texts me unless he absolutely needs something.  I try to be understanding, because I think this behavior is usually caused by a lack of sleep.  I let it go for a long time, but it’s starting to bother me because it seems like he doesn’t care.  Why should I put in an effort if he isn’t going to?  Things on that front are on the downswing.

Which means, the two are about to intersect.

You see, it’s just like the sine and cosine curves.  Allow me to explain:

Take a look at pi/4 on the x-axis.  The sine function, in red, represents my academic life.  The cosine function, in green, represents my social life.  The values of these two functions rise and fall as theta increases (or time goes on, keeping with the metaphor), and periodically, they peak, they trough, and they intersect.  Right now, I would say both values are positive, and I’m approaching the value found at pi/4.  The sine and the cosine at this point are both equal to the square root of two over two – not negative, not a maximum, just equal.

If I’m at all right about this theory, soon I’ll get to the intersection, which will probably be a good day.  Then my grades will go up (hopefully, at the time of finals) but my relationship quality is going to decline.  Or maybe the y-value isn’t a measure of quality, but a measure of how much effort I have to put into maintaining the relationship or the school work.

Either way, I could use this to predict how things should go for me in the near future!  Consider the implications!  I could focus my efforts a certain way and be far more effective if I had an idea of what was coming to me.

But, of course, everything in life can’t actually be predicted by a series of equations.  Or can it?  (Actually, it can, in many ways…but the equations are slightly more complicated…I could go on but, eh, what’s the point)

– K-tosh

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Today a couple friends and I went to visit some of our friends at a different university.  It was so awesome seeing them.  I haven’t been around that many girls in a while, but since I’m so close to those guys it felt nice.

We ended up eating so many times.  Every time I inspected one of their menus (this particular university has a lot of restaurant-style eateries), I didn’t see any dishes that actually contained tree nuts… But they didn’t have comprehensive lists to find out about traces in the ingredients.  At the first place I asked the cashier and she sent out a chef.  He was a nice guy and he showed me all the packages for the ingredients for their pizza.  I could eat it!  Fantastico!  Channeling my inner Italian there.  But after that, I threw a little caution to the wind.  I had an ice cream sundae (dangerous!) and some fries (at an ice cream place…what is wrong with me?).  Seriously dude, what is up?  You said you weren’t going to be one of those people who just doesn’t care and eats whatever, saying “it probably won’t kill me.”  You’re prone to that because you went so long and clearly didn’t die, but it made you sick so you need to BE CAREFUL.  It’s not worth it at all.

*sigh*

In other news, this song has been bringing me to the verge of tears lately.  Me!  I don’t cry over movies or anything, but I guess a song is more likely to do it for me than anything else.  Maybe like, the verge of the verge of tears is more accurate.  Either way, it’s making me emotional because I can relate to it lately.  I never thought about the words at all before I heard it the other day.  I keep hearing songs that relate all to well to my life at present, and that freaks me out a little and they usually make me sad.  I should just get happy.  I’m not constantly unhappy, so you know.  I’m worried, but not in the physically painful, anxious way.  It’s a different kind of worry, one where you aren’t hurt yet but you think you’re about to be so you just live in fear of it.  Like when you know there’s going to be a fire drill but you don’t know exactly what time.  But sad instead of scared.

I have a concrete reason to be worried about one friend too.  Sometimes I’m not sure what to do, so I just pray that we can all make good decisions, find our sanity when we need it, and come through in the clutch.  I just turned that into a sports metaphor…

– K-tosh


College has required me to make the minutest of adjustments to my lifestyle.  There are the obvious huge ones, with living away from home and learning to take care of yourself.  But there are little things I didn’t expect:

I use Chapstick now, because when I walk outside my lips get chapped from the cold air.  I never really had that problem before.

I use power strips.  I do it mostly for the surge protection, not the extended reach or the extra outlets.  I never cared about power surges before, but are they more likely to happen here?  I think one did happen in my room once.  The outlets are a little shady, tough to put things in and falling out of the walls and all that.

Clothing is something I always worried would be a difficult adjustment for me, since I was used to school uniforms, but really all I’m wondering is, how many days in a row is it acceptable to wear the same sweatshirt?

Taking all of my medicine every day is a challenge, not because I forget altogether but because my ritualistic ways of doing things means that if I forget to take it at the right time in the routine, I have to put it off until later or start the whole routine over.  Meaning, when this happens, the medicine usually doesn’t get taken.  It’s just my asthma medicine…no biggie, right…?

I have to actually think about the socks I put on.  Right now, the ones I have on are too thin and have holes in the heels.  I didn’t care about holey socks before, but when you have to walk around a campus it pays to protect your feet.  I was too lazy to find the thick socks today, so I figured these would suffice.  And they will, but I’m trying not to wear them out so much that I lose yet another pair of quality socks.

I don’t know if worrying about the minutiae is normal or if that’s just part of my personality, but it has definitely affected my daily life.  Did I worry about things like that before, when I lived at home and went to regular old day school, and never noticed because it was so familiar?  Yeah, I’m gonna go with “probably.”

– K-tosh


I recently discovered that TBS shows two episodes of The Office every weekday morning from 11:30 to 12:30, so I like to watch it between classes while I eat lunch.  The Office is definitely one of my favorite shows, if not the very top one, and I haven’t watched it much for the last couple of years, since they stopped playing it in the same capacity that all the networks are currently airing The Big Bang Theory (also a quality show).

But today, the cable is out.  It’s not an uncommon occurrence, and I’m starting to wonder if it happens at the same time every week.  Anyway, you would think I would use this as a fine opportunity to work on my homework, study for my upcoming quiz and exam, something.  But no, I’m just sitting here feeling the effects of losing the hour I allocated to watching The Office.  I have nothing really profound to say here, other than that procrastination makes behave people in some seriously irrational ways.

– K-tosh


So since I’m in college and having what is probably the most meaningful year of my life, I think it would be a good idea to write down some of how I’m feeling and what I’m doing.  I guess it’s kind of like a diary, so I hope to write somewhat regularly.  But, true to the form of this blog, this could very well be the first and last edition of “Friday.”  Here we go:

It’s March 5th.  A friend’s birthday is tomorrow.  Some of my friends are on Spring Break but not me, but that’s ok because my workload is really light these days.  I had a couple weeks in there where I was stressed and working really hard, but I can relax for now.  I’m actually pretty glad it’s not the break yet.  The best part of the break is that hopefully, I will get to see several friends that I don’t go to school with, even though they won’t be off.  Maybe I should do some work or something…

My boyfriend is going to Scotland during the break, which distresses me but not as much as you might think.  It’s more like, the calendar is freaking me out.  We started dating almost five weeks ago.  Typically we only see each other on Fridays, and we’ve seen each other nearly every Friday since we started college at the end of August (hence, the name of this “series”).  Aside from a one-and-a-half month respite where we went to the same calculus class last semester, I pretty much never see the guy if it’s not Friday.  On top of that, he’s not big on texting or calling.  Or on communicating at all, really (the other day he had the nerve to criticize somebody else’s communication skills – I called him out on his own but I didn’t really explain why so I think I might’ve upset him a little bit).  So while I’m going to miss him (two Fridays without him, *sigh*), honestly it won’t be that different from the usual.

When he gets back there are only four weeks of school left, plus the ambiguous week of exams where we will both be busy and could very well go home on say, Wednesday.  He lives three hours from me.  Because of the way my curriculum is set up, there is the possibility that we’ll be separated for eight months, having only been together for three (but eight if you count the time where we were just friends).  And that’s if we don’t break up by then.  Now I know I can handle it – people aren’t exactly lining up to date me, plus I tend to use my self-control well.  The question is, can he?  Not saying I’m in love with him or anything, but I think he’s the kind you want to keep around.  I like him more and more the longer I know him.  He’s actually come a long way, in terms of how he acts around my friends and me.  Either he’s a smooth talker (which precedence based on his dating history says is possible, but personal experience says isn’t) or he’s actually a sweet, caring guy.

Regardless of him, I dread the thought of this school year ending.  It’s the closest I’ve felt to the happiness of childhood innocence since growing up, which is ironic considering certain other events of the past year.  The poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost is true, and even though it’s totally cliche to use other people’s words to express your feelings (and we reference The Outsiders way too much), I’m going to do it.  I like cliches too.

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

– K-tosh