Today I thought a little about the past year. I’m not like a snake that sheds its skin. I’m a whole new person.
I feel kind of guilty every time a thought questioning God even crosses my mind. But the entity that is “God” wouldn’t despise me for questioning It. That’s something that humans made up. Right? Or is my God something I made up? Can I worship the idea of It? Because I truly respect It, and It is how I see God now. What does the arbitrary name chosen by us humans, who are, relative to the universe as a whole, equals, matter? i just call It God.
And today I was thinking about how I might have hurt someone. And I only worried about how that would affect me. Not him. And I thought about how I said something stupid. I constantly worry about those things. I try not to say it and then a Freudian slip happens and I wish I had more self control sometimes. And yet, I feel like I have a lot of self control. But it’s never enough. My mind/heart/soul is always hungry.
And this has happened before, but a Christian song came on my iPod. Sometimes it happens right when I need it. Sometimes it’s not a Christian song, but I just remember that I should ask God for help.
“Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me everything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain.”
Never thought about those words quite so much as in that moment. Thanks, MercyMe.
I didn’t turn over a new leaf. I think I got callouses. Or maybe they’re scars.
I went through a chemical change, after all.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,100 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 35 trips to carry that many people.
Hopefully we’ll be more active in 2014!
– J. Coco